I think it was 1991. At the time that it happened, I did not connect this experience with the divine, but there was no doubt of its
transcendence. It was a Saturday. I was taking the above ground portion of the
Red Line after visiting a very generous friend. We watched
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure on
laser disc. I got on the train and sat on the left side of the car. I looked over at the only other passenger, a shabbily dressed man. It was
sunset. Imperceptibly, my presence expanded through the things touched by the rays of the setting sun: starting with me, then the man, and the car, and the rest of the train, and the trees next to the tracks, and the buildings beyond them, and the water beyond that, and through to the sun itself… until, with the rays shining in every direction, I was one with the universe beyond. It all happened in less than an instant, and just like that, I could sense everything altogether and at once. There was no transition: I was in the train, I was everywhere, I was back in the train. But there was a residual, a benevolent residual. I could remember being everywhere. It was so beautiful. The residual was quite strong at first. I was beaming with joy, and I felt very connected with my fellow passenger. It was like a half life kind of thing… each minute, the residual was half the strength of what it was the minute before. And although in the din of day-to-day activities I can easily forget that this
epiphany is part of me, it is there even decades later. Because even though it is continuing to weaken by half with each passing minute, it will never entirely disappear.
It only occurred to me quite recently that what I mean when I say divine is more along the lines of this experience on the Red Line than it is about some easy to articulate set of assertions that comes nowhere near the impossible to describe wonder that is our
sentience. In this experience, I did not find myself in the midst of an all-knowing, all-powerful entity. It was more like a fantastic, magnificent, mysterious, uncertain, powerlessness reaching far beyond the concept of entity. It may have been God.
Photo Credits
BIll & Ted:
Flash Bang Movie Reviews
The Red LIne near Dorchester:
BHP Development
Over seven years ago when we arrived on these shores, I found a job in two interviews in less than two weeks. That experience misled me to believe I could repeat that performance at any time. I lost track of the number of interviews I got in 3 months. While it was fantastic to have that much interest, it was still incredibly stressful being unemployed in a society where worthiness is measured by price tags and purchasing power. How easily self worth slips away with net worth. I wish I could hold onto that feeling of just getting a new job. I am so grateful, and I am at my best when I am in the midst of sincere gratitude, which is a challenge to maintain amidst adverts (sometimes disguised as news) that encourage us to covet and to fear. How quickly my confidence fled when I joined the ranks of the unemployed, the discarded scourge of civilisation. It sure feels good to be back in employment.